CharlieMC (charliemc) wrote,

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Just... Ugh. (Or, Bad Slash Fic is So Hard to Read!)

Okay, I just made the mistake (again) of trying to read a poorly written slash fic just a few minutes ago...

Why do I do that to myself?


Just... Ugh!

None of this fic I tried to skim over was written that well, but where it went to total hell was during the sex scene.

I won't name any names, but I will say that it featured Achilles of "Troy" fame -- who conveniently keeps a small vial of oil 'under his pillow' in his war tent for those times when he plans to fuck another guy...

Oh, come now!

My friends, Achilles has no vial of anything kept under anything. If he wants to fuck a man, he strips off his clothes, rips off the other man's clothes and then fuck. The other man had better be able to naturally lubricate...

Said lubrication is a very common thing for anyone (man or woman) who takes it in the ass, by the way. (Excuse me if this is too blunt, but I get so tired of this constant error on the part of slash writers!)

If you don't know one frigging thing about anal sex, why are you trying to write it? (sigh)

Yes, men of our current time period do sometimes lubricate for anal sex. But not always by a long shot! (We're probably talking a number of factors, actually. How big is the penis/object being inserted? How excited is the person who plans to take it? Etc.)

By the way, I've got an asshole of my own and I happen to really like anal sex. I almost never need to use lubrication. Why? Because after a time, people begin to naturally lubricate there! Didn't I say that already? (wink)

The process is remarkably similar to how a woman lubricates vaginally, by the way. (In fact, sometimes when I get excited I don't just 'cream' my panties! I might get a wet spot from the backdoor, too... Which is simply wetness, by the way -- not anything else that has people all grossed out! Vaginal secretions are often more 'icky' than the butt wetness.)

This fic alluded to the long period of time since the two men had 'done this' (many months).

There might be a potential need for lubrication, I'll agree. But I have to figure Achilles would use either his own semen or that of his partner. It's a convenient method -- and seems far more in character to the Achilles I saw in the movie "Troy"! (I'm also surprised that Achilles was carefully watching his cousin's face for signs of pain. They're both men! So there's some pain -- so what?)

Okay, and as someone who has had it anally, it's very rare that someone sticks in multiple fingers to prepare you. You can get very excited from being stimulated by one finger. 'Scissoring and twisting' two fingers inside the anus would probably irritate the opening -- and that's the last thing you want to do at the very beginning of anal sex.

By the way, I'd note that finger play anally isn't always foreplay. Sometimes that's exactly what your partner wants to do to you! Maybe he likes using his hands (finger) to get you off. Maybe he likes being able to concentrate on what he's doing without worrying about his erection -- or his own anal sensations.

But I've almost always gone directly from having one finger inside to whatever else is going there -- and not to two, three, or more fingers.

Again, why?

Because fingers can hurt a person there.

While a penis or dildo is smooth -- sort of like having one very BIG finger inside -- fingers can poke. They can 'scissor' and pinch. They have a nail (however short) and can potentially scratch or cut. Any kind of 'wound' inside the anus is no laughing matter, by the way! It can be very serious business.

Also, people of the current day often use finger cots (like a small rubber condom that covers a finger) when putting a digit in the anus. It's added protection against injuring sensitive, blood-engorged flesh...

I've got a lot of gay/bi male friends here -- could one or two of you PLEASE comment and tell me if what I've said isn't true from your perspective??? (Thanks in advance. See, I'll force Joey fatjoey to comment, so I know at least one person will! smile.)

Don't even get me started on fics that include fisting... (Try it sometime and you'll see what I mean...)

That's a lot more than anyone here probably wants to know about my own sexual interactions, I'm sure. (grin) But my point in being so honest is to make it clear I'm not just going by what some man has told me.

And the last thing I'd ever do is use other slash fanfic as my resource material! I see that done all the time. Which is one of the ways so much inaccurate crap gets passed around and around and around in slash fandom.

It reminds me of how back in the early days of slash (the K/S and S/H days) there was this constant tendency for authors to describe a man putting in his penis and hitting that 'spot' that you had to manage to get beyond.

WTF? What 'spot' would that be?

I remember that Marilyn and I just laughed when we read it. I once told a certain author how annoying I found reading the various inaccuracies, and she got quite upset -- even though I hadn't been speaking of her fic (and she knew that, seeing as she didn't write sexual scenes at that time). But apparently she believed every word she was reading! (She probably planned to write slash sex based on what everyone was writing -- and didn't want to hear that it wasn't accurately described...)

Remember how we were all taught to 'write what you know'?

Yes, we can know the love between two people, regardless of their gender. I believe that!

Yes, we can know the emotions of others -- even if they aren't the same sex that we are. (Maybe some men write slash extremely well, but that doesn't mean a lot of women don't write it equally well, in other words.)

But if you don't know how to write about two men together having sex, then why not skip writing it at all? Fade out. It's fine. In fact, I'll thank you if you do!

Well, that's enough of this semi-rant, I guess. Hopefully you get what I'm saying!

Deep breath. Thank you. I feel much better now!

Tags: fanfic

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