CharlieMC (charliemc) wrote,

Mildly Depressed About Sue...

Well, I sincerely try to do two things... (grin)

Not get depressed about things beyond my control. No point, after all!

Not write a bunch of crap about my 'personal' life in my blog that will bore the crap out of everyone.

In fact, my RL has been so busy and full recently that I'm barely active online -- in spite of my new computer!

But this is just one of those days, I guess...

My sister Sue is ten years older than I am -- but in the poor health I generally think of has not happening to people until they're in their 70's (or even older).

She's a diabetic. She has serious heart failure. She has a spot on her lung. She's depressed and on a high level of anti-depressants. Because of her weight she has a number of other problems. (Yes, she's probably diabetic because of her weight, though our father wasn't obese and was also diabetic -- so there is a genetic propensity here.)

Sue can barely walk. Her heart failure makes her cough and this can cause incontinence problems. She has trouble sleeping so doesn't get decent rest. And on and on and on.

I wrote about going with her to bankruptcy court. Brutal. Her attorney is a very likable man. When you're with him his down-home demeanor and charisma make you feel good -- and you're willing to overlook things. When you're not with him you're frustrated as hell by his incompetence (and that of his office). He's basically fucking up her bankruptcy... (Or at least seems to be.)

She could lose her car. For someone who can't get around without it, that's a major thing. I can hop on my bike and go places. I can walk. I can catch a bus. Sue can't do any of those things! She can barely walk three steps without panting.

You know how people tend to lump fat people together in their heads? Think of them as lazy? Or other negative thoughts? Well, Sue has a problem -- no doubt about it. But she's done amazing things in her life. Things other women -- hell, other people -- haven't done. The fact that she's obese doesn't make her a bad person. It bugs me how people will write off someone because of weight discrimination. And, yeah, I've done it from time to time, too -- but at least I realize it and will admit it.

I've gone off on a tangent here, but Marilyn mistressmarilyn and I talked about this recently and it's an interesting sub-topic. Even though here in the United States there are probably more obese/fat children than ever before, in many ways our society is even more obsessed with being 'skinny' (thin, etc.) than in the past. And you'd think people of all ages would be more tolerant of heavier people -- but they're not.

I don't speak enough about Sue's good points, which is probably typical here at LiveJournal. I've read a lot of journals (not just those of my friends here) and I find that we all seem to spend a great deal of time dwelling on the negative. How often do I write to bitch? (Whine, rant, etc.) Too often, I'm sure.

Marilyn's got such a busy week that she certainly doesn't have time to listen to this.

My best friend June lost her beloved cat Spooky last week. So she certainly doesn't need to hear about this.

But, hell, neither do any of you!

I think I'm mainly typing this just to get it out. More for me than anyone else who happens to be reading...

I can say one thing, though. I'm not looking for sympathy or support. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. The situation here is bad and upsetting, but no more so than what others deal with daily. So don't worry about commenting -- or what you should say if you do comment. I'm fine, really.

Actually, I think it's perfectly healthy to feel mildly depressed from time to time. I don't need to have a drink or take a pill to make it go away. People are meant to feel bad sometimes. I think our society fosters an unhealthy belief that we should expect to always be happy and/or content. That's so incredibly unrealistic! If we accept the fact that sometimes we'll feel sad, depressed, angry, out-of-sorts and so on, then it makes it early to simply deal with it and get on with our lives...

I wonder what people from other times would think of our modern-day reliance on pills and 'the couch'? Do we really have it so much worse than they did? My grandparents would have pooh-poohed the idea and looked askance at anyone suggesting such help! The pioneers of my country had to deal with constant crap and simply did it...

Well, Sue's called a couple of times crying and very upset. I knew it was coming. She's been way too calm about things for the past couple of weeks.

It would help if she didn't feel so ill all the time, of course.

That brings me to her dental situation!

She's been having these bad sores in her mouth since January. I'm sure they're a sign of a serious tooth situation. But she has poor dental insurance and no money, so she's avoiding going in for x-rays.

Marilyn and I will have to help her out with this, of course. I finally put in a call to my wonderful dentist, Mary (who I convinced Sue to go to years back) and left a message for her to cal me.

Mary is a saint, as far as I'm concerned. She's an amazing dentist -- far beyond competent. She often corrects the work of bad dentists, though you'll probably never get her to mention that!

She has her practice in St. Johns, which is located in North Portland. Much of the area is poor or lower-Middle-class people. I was born and raised in St. Johns, by the way. (In high school Marilyn was 'Miss St. Johns' -- but that's another story!)

Mary has taken Oregon Health Plan patients since the beginning. The OHP was incredible early on -- and even had wonderful dental coverage! That's how I was able to get my (really bad) teeth fixed up so nicely, by the way... (If not for OHP I'd have been unable to afford medical coverage for a good portion of my recent life, by the way.)

Lots of dentists wouldn't take OHP patients. The OHP has a record of not paying up in a timely fashion -- and in paying less than other insurance companies (etc., etc.). But Mary took every single one who came her way.

Now that OHP no longer has a dental plan, Mary tries to find other ways to accommodate patients who can't afford other dentists. So I know she'll help us work something out...

Sure, it's still going to cost money that we don't have budgeted, but that's life! Lately it seems like a lot of things are happening that aren't in the budget.

I wish I could do more than be a sounding board for Sue's woes. There's very little that I can do to help. I can't offer her any reassurances about her situation. Sure, if push comes to shove we can move her in with us -- but not with all her current belongings. Nor would we have room for Candy (her daughter) and Nicole (her granddaughter) -- both of whom currently live with her. (Nor could we take in the two cats, Saxon and Nikki. We already have our two cats -- and April is seriously ill...)

We couldn't afford to pay for another car for her, should she lose this one. We have only our one car, which Marilyn needs for work. (Her work requires her to drive a lot of places for meetings, etc.)

What to do... what to do...

I promise my next post will be upbeat. In spite of all this, Marilyn and I have had a lot of positive and exciting things going on. And are very much looking forward to the April birthday trip!

Sorry I haven't been keeping up on all my friends here. It seems like when I do get online I just do my moderation duties and that's about it...

Anyway, hugs to all of you! I do think about you, believe me.

Tags: 2005, march-2005, marilyn, sister-sue, sue's-bankruptcy

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