CharlieMC (charliemc) wrote,
CharlieMC
charliemc

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Marilyn... (and Tom)

My amazing sister Marilyn mistressmarilyn is not taking anything lying down. But she's probably the toughest person I know, so why would she?

I feel like saying 'Men!' in an exasperated tone, and throwing my hands in the air. Except we're only talking about ONE man -- and not tons of really cool men that I know. So while it's easy to blame this on gender, I'll skip that. Because not all men run away when they don't feel like facing a difficult situation.

We've been discussing this at length since Saturday, trying to reason it out, I guess. Or just get our heads around it.

Basically, it all started when I made the mistake of phoning Tom for a ride on Saturday afternoon. Marilyn had Auction rehearsal and others were tied up with various roles, so I'd hoped he could assist me in an IT-related emergency.

I could make light of my emergency, but considering I had an issue where AuctionPay wasn't up and working, that's pretty essential stuff. (We can't do the Auction without it, in other words.)

I know I was short with him on the phone -- but I was stressed, busy and in a major hurry. When it was clear he couldn't help, I just wanted him to focus on being on time to pick us up (another necessary thing, as we couldn't be late to the Auction) -- while I personally needed to focus on getting the ride I still needed, and taking care of the emergency situation. I thought he got that from what I said, I really did. So I put Tom out of mind (until later) and moved on to do what needed doing.

For the record, Tom accused me of hanging up on him -- but as it's some I find deplorable, I'd never (ever) do that. Who knows? He's had issues for weeks now with his cell phone, so maybe we got abruptly disconnected and he took that for me hanging up on him. All I know is that I was undoubtedly bitchy -- but I still feel it was justified, given what I was going through on site at the venue. (IT can be such a bitch, as I mentioned in detail HERE.) Plus, I think of Tom as my best friend (and even as family), so I thought I could be more radical with him without worrying about hurt feelings. Yeah, I was wrong. And I was never given a chance to explain to him, and obviously never will get that chance now. He didn't answer my text messages to him, my voice mail to him or my email to him, which still stuns me. I can't imagine doing something so bad that someone would just ignore me this way, but I guess my tone on the phone was even worse than I thought...

(By the way, Marilyn changed her 'tom' tag into 'motherfucker' -- so that tells us a lot, doesn't it?)

And never mind that I was also sick (which he knew) -- or that I'd twisted my ankle that day (which he didn't know). Never mind that event days are always intense for those of us who put them on, because he's never been through it with us before. There's no way he can know that we all cut each other a ton of slack when we're on site working an event. (Hell, or when we're leading up to an event, too!)

Marilyn has been pretty clear about her own feelings. She's pretty pissed off. You can check her journal if you want to see what she's said about it: mistressmarilyn

I'm sure she's also disappointed and hurt. But STRONG women do tend to deal with this stuff by getting mad, rather than by wringing their hands. And I'd seriously rather have her angry then sitting around crying...

Speaking of crying, I wasn't as strong about it as she was. I did cry. Not a ton, but a little. I just couldn't believe our plans were going to be spoiled and that Tom would miss all the fun! Marilyn was so looking forward to showing him off and having him meet everyone -- and to having him there when she gave her first-ever speech at the Auction... (sigh) And to being on his arm. She had been going to remind him to stick by her side, a clear indication of how much she wanted to be WITH HIM, in my book.

Me? I couldn't wait for people to see this handsome man, all dressed up in his new suit (that I helped him buy), with his ever-so-cool devil mask! I was excited for him to show off his generous nature by giving to the Appeal, too. (Which he'd agreed to do the weekend prior to the event.)

Marilyn is right in saying that no man can ruin our good time at an event, but it was harsh to face an event where we'd been focusing on Tom's attendance, without him there.

Marilyn had a rather excessive amount of alcohol prior to speaking, so it's a wonder she did her usual GREAT job! I hadn't even been aware she was blasted until she told me (after the fact), considering how beautifully she spoke. I might have worried, had I known -- but there was no need. So, no, Tom didn't ruin anything for us, even though he WAS missed.

I'm a person who likes closure, so I don't know how to think about this. Suddenly my friend isn't my friend anymore, I guess. I don't know what I could have done differently to change this, either. I did try to apologize, but I guess that wasn't good enough. I don't know what else a person can do, other than say 'I'm sorry' as sincerely as possible...

Marilyn (not me) got a short note from Tom that made her even more unhappy. I suppose that there are times when it's better to just not say anything at all.

I hope Tom knows (in his heart of hearts) that it was NEVER about money. I took things from him gladly, feeling he had a sincere desire to give. I, too, like to give things to others (though I have far less to give), so I know how good gift-giving can make one feel! But I'd have been Tom's friend no matter what, $$$ or no. I'd like to believe he knows that, but how can I know?

We're in the dark as to his full motives, because neither one of us believe this is about me hanging up on him, or him having to face bad traffic (which he mentioned in his note to Marilyn). It might have been my teasing about Marilyn being 'in charge' (though that seems unlikely). It might be that as he got to know the two of us better, he didn't really like us -- or at least didn't want to be around us. Like many people before him, he may have found it too difficult to be around people who live and breathe special events. We have an expectation that our family and friends will get involved -- and so many of them do. But there are loads who don't -- and who hate the amount of time we spend on it, as well. That's true for every person I've ever worked with here at the festival, by the way.

We've talked it over, but we really can only speculate on how he's feeling or what he's thinking -- so I'll try not to do that. Marilyn is sure this must have been building before Saturday, and that it's many things. Regardless, whether it's one or two things or dozens, we won't ever know anyway, so whatever.

I feel a loss, but I'll deal with it. I'm a big girl. Life goes on -- and I have a good life! Bad things happen to us all, but it's how we face bad things that define our character. I think I'm doing okay in that department -- and I KNOW that Marilyn is doing GREAT!!!

And I wish only the best for Tom, who I still think of as a friend (no matter how he now thinks of me). Maybe he'll find another woman who is more what he needs than Marilyn is or might be in the future. I hope he ends up with lots of close friends who love him the way I have -- and more so.

I'm glad Marilyn is able to deal. I can't imagine a time when she wouldn't. She has more balls than any man I've ever known. But she's also compassionate and caring and loving. I guess I'd wish that for all the people I know, man or woman -- that they could be both strong and gentle, all in one. Being a well-rounded person is work, of course. As is being a mature person. By the way, being mature doesn't mean you can't have constant fun, because Marilyn and I have fun almost every day of our lives! I'm not kidding. We love our lives.

I wish that everyone loved their lives as much as we do. I'm sure the world would be a better place if that were the case.

Tags: 2008, auction, festival, marilyn, october-2008, tom, work
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