I messed up taking my pain meds today. It just screws me up when I lose track. My back is killing me tonight, but hopefully will be better tomorrow.
Get this: I finally got the call about my referral to see the neurologist -- TODAY while I was gone, no less. Geez. Waiting all this time and I miss the damned call!!! Now I have to wait until Monday. Typical.
And I totally forgot about picking up our prescriptions after work. We both have some we'll have to get tomorrow.
Jeff was lovely today, telling me how glad he was that I'm going along to IFEA in San Diego. I haven't been since 2012 when I was Volunteer of the Year. Actually, Marilyn hasn't been since 2012, either!!! That's unbelievable! But it's a big deal this year because of Jeff's position -- so a lot of Staff and Board are all attending.
Hopefully Adeena can housesit (and cat sit) -- and maybe June and Jim can help. We won't be gone very long.
I got the Band page totally done for 2019 today at the website, working with Jessica. Next up are all the many Court pages! But they aren't really due until mid-September at the earliest...
I was also working with Donn on IT. Then clearing out a bunch of email. And putting in some learning time. It was a worthwhile day, anyway.
Marilyn is constantly swamped no matter how hard she works or how many hours she puts in. I feel so bad for her.
Anyway, she's officially on vacation for next week. She can certainly use it!
This weekend is more Beatles sing-along with All Together Now. We're looking forward to it.
The raccoons were out again tonight! Plus a stray cat was nosing around. But Johnnie seemed fine. Well fed and doing okay (if a bit lonely). I spent some time with him, anyway.
And with Henry and Colin. In fact, Colin is right beside me now.
Not sleeping all that well. Pain is an interesting thing, you know? I've really learned a lot about it these past few months. I thought I knew about it after years of hip and joint pain. But this deep, chronic pain is so different. It's really hard to think beyond it, I guess. Reality is wrapped up in the pain and you never forget the pain for very long. I was discussing it with someone (I can't believe I've forgotten whom) at the recent patio party. She said her mother was going through the exact same thing -- and lived from one dose of pain medication to the next. Which is pretty much what I do! It was somehow reassuring to hear I wasn't the only one. Hahaha. Pain can almost make you self-conscious, in a way...
It's not like I haven't read extensively about pain control -- I've been doing that for months now. Mind over pain. Relaxation techniques to help alleviate the discomfort. Or using visualization as a pain-controlling technique -- where you do things like closing your eyes and then try to call up a visual image of the pain (you give it a shape, a color, a size, or a motion, then you try to slowly alter the images and replace them with more 'harmonious' and pleasing images -- okay, sure).
Or I've read suggestions where you keep a diary of various pain episodes -- and the causative and corrective factors which surround them. Then you review this diary on a regular basis to explore any avenues of possible change. Yeah, I tried that for a couple of days... but it didn't work for me. I probably wasn't trying hard enough...
Of course there are mind-body therapies: relaxation techniques and meditation. I've really focused hard on these! Using traditional Eastern types of meditation. And the use of prayer. In fact, I've tried both quite a bit.
It's recommended that you try distracting yourself with various activities, like reading, watching television and so on. But in recent months I've found myself going days at a time where I couldn't bring myself to turn on the TV, or look at a book. (And music seemed to make it worse, rather than better, surprisingly enough.)
So the ultimate goal here is to strive to view pain as just a part of life, and not all of it. And I'm all for that! I want to try and live a normal life as much as I possibly can -- sort of moving around the pain. Continuing to do anything at all that helps me to avoid letting the pain direct things. And I'm really trying.
But I am definitely a junkie, just waiting for my 'fix' -- and forgive me while I watch the clock (!!!) and then grab my pre-fixed bottle with my 'cocktail' of pain meds. Because as Marilyn has pointed out, the only thing that keeps this from being my main focus is when I'm SLEEPING!!!
Sometimes I can sleep through. But other times the pain keeps me awake.
Hey, guess what? I was reading a book to 'distract' myself and lost tract of time! Then got up for an ice pack (they help when my pain feels 'hot') and I suddenly realized I never finished this blog entry! Gosh, sorry it's so long!!!
Just took my 6:00 a.m. pain pills and will now read until I fall asleep. Lately reading helps a lot.
And 'being normal' really does help! Going to work. Working a LONG day. Watching a bunch of TV. Focusing on the new cat, or my miniature flower garden. Or calling and talking to friends or my sisters on the phone. Or going out to eat -- and even having a drink (or two), which I kept avoiding for ages (stupid me!).
Enough about pain -- and being so SELF-CENTRIC!!! I really hate that, as I don't like to think of myself that way.